I chose the name Flower In The Mud in 1998. At the time I knew it was me, and it was important, but I was not sure why. It is a small piece of lyric from one of my very favorite songs “Am I Getting Through?” written and performed by Sheryl Crow. The song resonates with me because I can look back on my life and see that it was the cry of my heart, and still is. The soft statement “I’m a flower in the mud” became my definition. I knew even then that it is who I am, and who I will always be. Here I am in 2018 and I know I am still a flower in the mud. If you want a glimpse into my heart and soul, just listen to the song. I am made of a million pieces, and this is just one, but it is a perfect representation of that piece. Through this blog, I hope to show you why. And maybe, just maybe, I can help others who are stuck in the mud see that they are flowers too.
I will be writing about the things I know and have experienced, things I am currently going through and am still trying to process. I will always be brutally honest, and if I am wishy-washy, it is because I am still trying to figure out where I stand. As often as possible, my posts are meant to encourage or connect, but sometimes I may be struggling to accept or understand something, and that may be the sole purpose of a post. Putting my thoughts in complete sentences helps me wrap my head around things and I find peace in that. I have opinions and you will see them here. My opinions may change with time or new experiences, that is the wonder of growth. My opinions are just that, my opinions, and are never intended to tell you that yours are wrong or that you are not entitled to them. I will never try to impress my opinions on you, I am simply giving food for thought. I am always open to feedback, especially if you think you can help me see things from another point of view. While our opinions may be different, neither are wrong. It may appear that some of my thoughts or ideas contradict each other; all I can say is that I honestly feel both ways. While I believe myself to be an optimist, not all of my posts will have an upbeat ending. I am very passionate about forgiveness, but sometimes you might still see me angry.
I believe my purpose in this life is to be an open book. I am willing, even eager, to share my stories, good, bad and ugly in the hopes that someone who needs to know they are not alone will hear me. My life experiences acting like a beacon allowing me to draw in wounded people from all walks of life. In the times that I have felt most alone, abandoned and discarded, I have been blessed with people who have crossed my path at just the right time and provided me with the support I needed to keep going. I want to return that favor. I have always tried to be an open book for friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, fellow church members and even strangers. Often to the dismay of the other players in my life, and the discomfort of those who were not ready to hear or willing to accept my truth. But I refuse to cover myself up with a mask or hide my scars behind a pretty picture for the comfort of others. I was chosen for this path because I was strong and brave enough to travel it and now I hope to guide others who may be traveling it after me. I pray this blog will help me reach and encourage those weary travelers who need a place to recharge. A place full of love and free of judgment.